Assumptions about Our Participants:
Skills Training Assumptions: According to Linehan, an assumption is a belief that cannot be proved, but we agree to abide by it anyway.
This is a new handout to the 2nd edition materials, and it's one I like a lot. It's validating and communicates the respect we have for all of our participants while also emphasizing that there is work to do. (These assumptions are taken from "DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, 2nd Ed." by Marsha Linehan, 2015, Guilford Publishing.)
1. "People are doing the best they can. All people at any given point in time are doing the best they can." I have heard many times from people I work with that they feel as though most of the focus is on what they are doing wrong and what they need to change. This statement alone is validating. I truly believe that you ARE doing the best you can to cope with the people and situations that you're dealing with.
2. "People want to improve. The common characteristic of all people is that they want to improve their lives and be happy." Honestly, not many of us want to keep feeling rotten, continue to suffer, or stay in situations that are painful for us. Most people really WANT to feel better and improve their lives and relationships.
3."People need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change.* The fact that people are doing the best they can, and want to do even better, does not mean that these things are enough to solve the problem." Here is where things seem a little wonky. I believe that our participants ARE doing the best they can and want to improve AND what they're doing isn't effective. Because it's not effective or maybe even causing more harm, there is a need to do better, work harder, and possibly be more motivated. Those are hard words to hear, AND they can help us face the changes we need to make. (*Linehan's caveat: "*But trying harder and being more motivated may not be needed if progress is steady and at a realistic rate of improvement.")
4. "People may not have caused all of our own problems, but they have to solve them anyway.** People have to change their own behavioral responses and alter their environment for their life to change." This is one of the assumptions that really stinks. I like that it recognizes that we may not have caused all the problems we face. The hard part is that we have to deal with them whether or not we cause them. If we can solve them, great - that's the best option.
Sometimes, though, we can't solve problems (at least not right away). What to do then? Well, you can try to change how you feel about the problem (hard, and that's where emotion regulation skills come in.) You could also try to get through it and tolerate the situation for now (also hard, and that's where distress tolerance skills are helpful.) Finally, you could make it worse. I don't recommend that option, but it is an option. The bottom line here, though, is this: Even if you didn't create the problem or situation, you do have to deal with the situations that you're in. You don't have to like it, or think it's right, but you do have to deal with it. (** Linehan's caveat: "**Parents and caregivers must assist children in this task.")
5. "New behavior has to be learned in all relevant contexts. New behavioral skills have to be practiced in the situations where the skills are needed, not just in the situation where the skills are first learned." This is the rationale behind practicing skills outside of the group session and for the homework assignments you're given. In a way, it's like learning to drive a car. If you've only read the manual and never been actually behind the wheel, when you need to go somewhere you'll have a lot of trouble. However, if you read the manual AND got lots of practice actually driving the car, when you need to go somewhere, you're able to do it much easier. Learning and practicing DBT skills is very much like that. These skills need to be practiced in real life, because that is where you'll use them.
6. "All behaviors (actions, thoughts, emotions) are caused. There is always a cause or set of causes for our actions, thoughts, and emotions, even if we do not know what the causes are." This is another assumption that has positive and negative aspects. The validating piece is that we recognize that there is a reason that you feel the way you do, and a reason that you do the things you do. That's really important, because it means that we see the problem behaviors from the standpoint of them serving a purpose. The tough piece is that we need to work with the idea that we may not know the cause for something, but we still have to deal with it anyway (see assumption 4.) Sometimes, we simply don't know what the reason or cause is, and we have to accept that there is a reason somewhere. For example, cancer has a cause but many times we may know what caused cancer to grow in a certain individual. Even if that person doesn't know the exact cause, they have to decide on treatment anyway.
7. "Figuring out and changing the causes of behavior work better than judging and blaming. Judging and blaming are easier, but if we want to create change in the world, we have to change the chains of events that cause unwanted behaviors and events." Honestly, there are times when this one is upsetting. Sometimes, it's easier and feels better to judge someone and blame them for a problem. If one partner cheats, the other partner understandably may want to judge and blame the other partner and maybe even the other person. Is it justifed? Probably. Is it going to help the situation? Probably not. What will help? Most likely, it would be figuring out what is effective to do. This might be working on the relationship, or it might be deciding to end the relationship. But blaming and judging gets in the way of making these decisions. Judging and blaming also tend to amplify and inflame emotions. Reducing the intensity of the emotions can help us think clearly and be effective in our own best interest.
This is a new handout to the 2nd edition materials, and it's one I like a lot. It's validating and communicates the respect we have for all of our participants while also emphasizing that there is work to do. (These assumptions are taken from "DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, 2nd Ed." by Marsha Linehan, 2015, Guilford Publishing.)
1. "People are doing the best they can. All people at any given point in time are doing the best they can." I have heard many times from people I work with that they feel as though most of the focus is on what they are doing wrong and what they need to change. This statement alone is validating. I truly believe that you ARE doing the best you can to cope with the people and situations that you're dealing with.
2. "People want to improve. The common characteristic of all people is that they want to improve their lives and be happy." Honestly, not many of us want to keep feeling rotten, continue to suffer, or stay in situations that are painful for us. Most people really WANT to feel better and improve their lives and relationships.
3."People need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change.* The fact that people are doing the best they can, and want to do even better, does not mean that these things are enough to solve the problem." Here is where things seem a little wonky. I believe that our participants ARE doing the best they can and want to improve AND what they're doing isn't effective. Because it's not effective or maybe even causing more harm, there is a need to do better, work harder, and possibly be more motivated. Those are hard words to hear, AND they can help us face the changes we need to make. (*Linehan's caveat: "*But trying harder and being more motivated may not be needed if progress is steady and at a realistic rate of improvement.")
4. "People may not have caused all of our own problems, but they have to solve them anyway.** People have to change their own behavioral responses and alter their environment for their life to change." This is one of the assumptions that really stinks. I like that it recognizes that we may not have caused all the problems we face. The hard part is that we have to deal with them whether or not we cause them. If we can solve them, great - that's the best option.
Sometimes, though, we can't solve problems (at least not right away). What to do then? Well, you can try to change how you feel about the problem (hard, and that's where emotion regulation skills come in.) You could also try to get through it and tolerate the situation for now (also hard, and that's where distress tolerance skills are helpful.) Finally, you could make it worse. I don't recommend that option, but it is an option. The bottom line here, though, is this: Even if you didn't create the problem or situation, you do have to deal with the situations that you're in. You don't have to like it, or think it's right, but you do have to deal with it. (** Linehan's caveat: "**Parents and caregivers must assist children in this task.")
5. "New behavior has to be learned in all relevant contexts. New behavioral skills have to be practiced in the situations where the skills are needed, not just in the situation where the skills are first learned." This is the rationale behind practicing skills outside of the group session and for the homework assignments you're given. In a way, it's like learning to drive a car. If you've only read the manual and never been actually behind the wheel, when you need to go somewhere you'll have a lot of trouble. However, if you read the manual AND got lots of practice actually driving the car, when you need to go somewhere, you're able to do it much easier. Learning and practicing DBT skills is very much like that. These skills need to be practiced in real life, because that is where you'll use them.
6. "All behaviors (actions, thoughts, emotions) are caused. There is always a cause or set of causes for our actions, thoughts, and emotions, even if we do not know what the causes are." This is another assumption that has positive and negative aspects. The validating piece is that we recognize that there is a reason that you feel the way you do, and a reason that you do the things you do. That's really important, because it means that we see the problem behaviors from the standpoint of them serving a purpose. The tough piece is that we need to work with the idea that we may not know the cause for something, but we still have to deal with it anyway (see assumption 4.) Sometimes, we simply don't know what the reason or cause is, and we have to accept that there is a reason somewhere. For example, cancer has a cause but many times we may know what caused cancer to grow in a certain individual. Even if that person doesn't know the exact cause, they have to decide on treatment anyway.
7. "Figuring out and changing the causes of behavior work better than judging and blaming. Judging and blaming are easier, but if we want to create change in the world, we have to change the chains of events that cause unwanted behaviors and events." Honestly, there are times when this one is upsetting. Sometimes, it's easier and feels better to judge someone and blame them for a problem. If one partner cheats, the other partner understandably may want to judge and blame the other partner and maybe even the other person. Is it justifed? Probably. Is it going to help the situation? Probably not. What will help? Most likely, it would be figuring out what is effective to do. This might be working on the relationship, or it might be deciding to end the relationship. But blaming and judging gets in the way of making these decisions. Judging and blaming also tend to amplify and inflame emotions. Reducing the intensity of the emotions can help us think clearly and be effective in our own best interest.