The Power of Each Other: Blog - The Power of Each Other: Counseling, Coaching & Wellness

Me. Myself, & I: Identity & the Characters We Love, Pt. 2

9/19/2017

"Super Child" by George Hodan, http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=37459&picture=super-child

So, last time I mentioned that there was a way to bring the characteristics and qualities of your favorite fictional characters into your real life. Today, I'll discuss how you do that. This is the fun part! The first thing we need to do is know who we're working with. A note of caution: Please don't use this exercise to sort through trauma memories, unless you have the support of a therapist or someone you trust completely! This exercise is not meant for processing PTSD or other trauma.

Let's start by picking out the fictional character that you most admire and that you feel like you most relate to. If you can't decide on one, pick a second, but don't pick more than two - it will get difficult to analyze more than two characters at a time. If you want to go back and do this exercise later with another character, you can do that but it's really best to stick to one at a time if you can. Next, spend some time thinking about the character. What do you like best about this character, in terms of their identity or personality? Keep these qualities in mind as you answer the following questions. I've attached a handy worksheet for you if you prefer to work that way.

Me. Myself, & I: Identity & the Characters We Love, Pt. 1

9/11/2017

"Super Child" by George Hodan, http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=37459&picture=super-child

Have you ever wanted to be someone else? Or imagined that you were your favorite TV/book/movie character? Many people do - and have a lot of fun re-enacting or writing about their favorite characters. If you've ever read a book or watched a show and have nearly fallen in love with one of the characters, or have imagined yourself doing what they do, then you'll know what I mean.

As part of getting to know clients, I often ask who their heroes are and what they like about them. I've found that many of them admire certain personality traits or roles that these characters take on. Knowing this, I was able to work with them on consciously integrating aspects of those characters into their every day identities. This is something we all can do, and it doesn't need to be part of therapy!

When people are just mean: How to overcome the hurt and anger

8/25/2017

For the past two years, I've been working in nursing homes, offering counseling to seniors dealing with adjustment issues, depression, anxiety and a host of other mental health concerns. During that time, I've learned that there are people who are polite, and people who are just flat-out mean. I recently had the pleasure of trying to interview a gentleman who could not get over the idea that I was fat, and was very obnoxious about it. Factually, he is right - I am fat. I'm not upset about that - it's the judgment and cruelty in deciding that I am less of a human being because of it that was hurtful.

We'll call him "Mr. Jones" for simplicity. When I went into Mr. Jones' room to introduce myself, he immediately said, "Well, you've put on weight, haven't you?" Not hello, not "how are you," - just an immediate comment on my body. I ignored it and introduced myself and told him I was here to talk with him. He, however, could not get past my appearance. I went to sit down, and he said, "You can't sit on the furniture. You'll break it." I let him know, gently and politely, that I had been sitting on the furniture for over two years without a problem, and that I had a job to do. He said, "you're too fat." At that point, even my patience was shot. I said, "Mr. Jones, I am here as a professional and your comments are out of line. My body is not under discussion. I'll come back again on Friday, and maybe we can try this again."

Evaluating Goals: How Well Is It Working & Did the Process Work?

1/10/2016

So, after you take action, how will you know it's working? The most obvious answer, of course, "I did what I set out to do." Chances are, though, that you'll want to keep track of your progress, and when you reach your goal, want to know what worked to help you achieve it. If you were unable to reach it, figuring out what got in the way can help you when you begin planning again. So, evaluation of both progress and the process are pretty important, and can help you celebrate successes, sharpen your strategies, plan for predictable obstacles, and debrief after your hard work.

One thing I recommend is that you engage in evaluation during a dedicated time where you can focus your attention on the process and that (if possible) you work with someone who knew about the goal or helped you be accountable. Having someone to go through this process with you can be supportive and enriching. Your support person may see things you don't, or be able to frame things in a way that may help you see other opportunities, strategies or possibilities. If you have been accountability partners, you can also help your partner do the same.

"Stone Sculpture" by Anatoli Styf, from http://www.freeimages.com/photo/stone-sculpture-1390088

Achieving Goals: Taking Action and Common Pitfalls

1/4/2016

So, you’ve planned, you’ve made commitments, you know what you want and how you’ll get it. What next? As Nike famously said, “Just DO it!” This takes courage – it’s new and unknown. And, you’ve worked hard for this. DO it – you can and you will. Look at your task lists – what do you do first? Start going down your list and work your way through them. It sounds simple – and when life goes perfectly, it is. However…

From: http://www.freeimages.com/photo/mousetrap-3-1309124

Achieving Goals: Commitment Strategies

1/4/2016

The first step in actually a bridge between action planning and taking action. You must firmly commit to do it. Commitment strategies are important – what will keep you going when you want to quit or are tired of trying? There are many factors that will affect your commitment: accountability, determination, structure and task management, and motivation.

The very first thing to ask yourself, before anything else, is “How much do I want to achieve this? How badly do I want it?”

From: http://www.freeimages.com/photo/maze-1236395

There are certain ways to maximize your chances of achieving your goal:

Achieving Goals: Action Planning

1/4/2016

So, interestingly enough, I fell off the wagon in regard to blogging. It’s ironic that just as I was talking about goals and achieving them, I did not achieve mine! This is a great opportunity, though, to emphasize the action planning and commitment needed. How DO we create an action plan that is realistic and achievable?

After you’ve identified and come up with strategies (your “coulds”), your next step is categorize them. I recommend keeping it simple, so I use three basic piles:

Probably won’t work, not as important, unrealistic, or not achievable
Might work, likely to be realistic or achievable, and is kind of important
Likely will work; definitely would be realistic and achievable and is important

Petr Kratochvil, Hand Holding Laptop, http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=1820&picture=hand-holding-laptop&large=1

Achieving Goals: How to Create Strategies

10/27/2014

Image credit: George Hodan, http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=45758&picture=business

Now that we've talked about identifying your goals, let's talk more about how to get there. First, though, here's a re-cap of the process: So, last week, we figured out how to identify our goals. The system we discussed was the SMART system; there are others as well. However, If you look at the process involved in setting and achieving goals, it breaks down into a series of "whats" and "hows" and looks something like this:

WHAT: What do you want to do?
Identifying and Setting Goals
“I want to…”
HOW, Pt. 1: Generating ideas for how you can do it
Strategizing
“I could try…”
HOW, Pt. 2: Committing to certain steps and building in accountability
Action Planning
“I will…” and “I’ll keep on track by…”
WHAT: Doing it!!
Action Steps
“I am doing…”
HOW, Pt. 3: How well did it go?
Evaluation/Feedback
“I did… and it worked/didn’t work… Next time, I could…”

So, how do we create strategies?

Identifying and Setting Goals: Creating a Life You Love!

10/6/2014

As I’ve been revamping my business approach, I noticed that I’d spent little time on developing goals. I had the usual, “I want to have more clients,” “I want to help others,” “I want to increase my income,” etc., but I found that I hadn’t spent enough time on developing good goals and strategies. So, I’ve been researching this topic, and I’m going to pass on the results of what I’ve learned to you. Can you say, “FREEBIE!!”? If it were me, I’d be all over this. I'm going to give you my goals worksheet and my weekly business planning worksheet.

We all have dreams - Goals help us reach them!

So, a goal is all about change. There is something going on, and you either want to completely change the situation or you want to alter it in some way that will be favorable to you or what you want. The first thing you need to know is that you have to have an idea of what you want to see happen. You also need to know what the reality you’re facing is and what could get in the way. So, what comes next?

Robin Williams, Suicide and Depression - Resources Updated

8/12/2014

I thought for a while about whether or not I wanted to write about this, because there are so many armchair psychologists who are ready to explain and point fingers in regard to Robin Williams' suicide. Today, however, after hearing some of my clients' reactions and after hearing some of the things said in the media about it, I feel that I have something to say that might be helpful.

Mr. Williams' struggles with depression and addiction are well-known, and it's very easy to point fingers and say, "that was what did it." I've heard variations on that theme all day, most of them said with the attitude that nothing could help it. One radio host even went as far as to say, "He was beyond help. He was too far gone."

I nearly had to pull my car off the road after hearing that, because I was so angry. I work all day with people who struggle with those feelings and with the pain and hopelessness that goes along with them. To hear a DJ blithely blame the victim was nearly too much for me. NO ONE IS "BEYOND HELP;" AND NO ONE IS "TOO FAR GONE." I can't emphasize that enough.